Chin(s) up, Britney

I'm here for you, girl.

It was about time you dumped that gold-diggin SOB, and I hope your pre-nup screws him but good.

Now, take my advice: Lay low for awhile. Don't rush to get involved with another guy. You've got two kids to take care of, and they are your priority.

Vote the Rock

I got to our local polling place at 6am and performed my duty (as we all should).

Voting in 2006 is like changing a dirty diaper. It is not a joyous experience, but it has to be done.

I took my ballot into the booth, flipped a coin, said a prayer, held my nose, and voted for the evil of two lessers.

For the statewide offices, I voted for as many Democrats as Republicans. I am NON-PARTISAN MAN!!

I was tempted to go the 3rd party route for governor, you know, as a 'protest vote'. And the winner of the race would look at all the 'protest votes' and say "Gosh, I better get my act together and behave and do what the voters are telling me because look at how many don't like the process".

Sure they do. And monkeys fly out of my ass.

Which reminds of a strange dream I had the other night.

Florida bound

The kids have a 4 1/2 day weekend starting at noon today, so we're off to Florida to take advantage of small crowds at Disneyworld. I need to leave the office in 45 minutes so I can get home to load the car and get some lunch into the kids before we leave. So instead of working, I'm taking time to do a quick blog...just in case there's some sort of calamity and this turns out to be my last entry!

The best thing about being out of town this weekend is that I won't have to sit through all of the terrible political ads that are beseiging us. If I have to see Gov Blogo's bad haircut one more time, I'll claw my eyes out. Likewise Judy Baar-Topinka's dyed helmet of hair.

Just a quick note for Rod...raiding the state pension fund to the tune of $3 billion does not 'balance the budget'. Cute wife, though, I'll give you that. Like the rest of us, you married up.

Tomorrow is my 44th birthday (no need to send along wishes), and I'm looking forward to spending it with Mickey Mouse. For whatever reason, I seem to enjoy the Disney experience, even that special machine that shakes the last dime out of my pockets as I leave.

Foot in mouth...

I actually understood where John Kerry was trying to go with his "joke". And, had he delivered the "joke" properly, it would have been a very effective cheap shot.

As King of the Cheap Shots, I know a good one when I hear one.

I can't defend President Bush's terrible performances when it comes to speaking off the cuff. The man just can't do it.

John Kerry should know this: Standup Comics spend hours practicing jokes before actually delivering them. Keep your day job...or don't.

A Couple of Thoughts

A couple of things to round out the week.

One of the 'popular science' news stories came out this week saying that CT scans can detect lung cancer early enough to treat more effectively. Lots of facts and figures given, and then the reporter makes a statement that for prospective patients, CT scans are too expensive and they would not be able to have cancer diagnosed as soon as someone who can afford CT scans.

1) In the aftermath of my wife's health issues last year, her doctor remarked that an MRI would be more effective than a mammogram to diagnose tumors or cysts in her type of dense breast tissue. Our insurance would not cover MRI's for this purpose, so although we are not poor, it would be cost prohibitive to have an annual MRI.

2) Smokers are the first to point out that non-smokers get lung cancer, too. And they do. But if a two pack a day smoker can spend upwards of $4000 on their habit each year, they can afford a CT scan.

The state of Illinois is kicking around a ban on smoking in 'public places'. As much as I abhor smoking, I'm not sure this is the right way to go. Where do we drawn the line?

The Bush Administration (I voted for him twice, so I can complain) has decided that "Stay the Course" is no longer the best slogan to describe our policy in Iraq. The policy hasn't changed, we just need a better slogan. My faith in the administration is not very strong anymore. My patroitism is strong, my support of our troops is strong, I put the flag out whenever possible. It's the administration I have a problem with.

Too old for this...

We went to see Sister Hazel at the House of Blues last night.

The band was good and the venue is awesome...very intimate and condusive to the experience.

I'm not that familiar with the Sister Hazel catalog, I know the hits, and that's about all. The band has been around for quite awhile, and their Chicago fans are very devoted. Their new CD came out about a week ago, and the fans were already singing along with the new songs.

They played very well, and really enjoyed entertaining us. It was a 90 minute show, which was just enough for the general standing room configuration. We walked to and from the train station, and got home about 2:15am. The kids (and the dog) spent the night at the grandparents, so we did not have to rush home, or rush to wake up. Still, I'm very sleepy today.

I challenged Jill and Wendy to find 20 people older than me (43 years, 11.5 months) at the show. They found about 10. It was an 'over 21' show, and most of the audience was in their early 30's.

Before the show, we went to Rockit Bar & Grill, a very hip place...too hip for me. There was a video company there last night, shooting footage for some sort of dating reality show.

Have I mentioned that I'm 43 years, 11 and a half months old?

I love my wife very much and think she is pretty darn hot. Heck, I even think Wendy is pretty hot, too. Still, it seemed that every other woman there was 25 years old and had boobs o'plenty.

As I recall, when I was 25 women did not have large breasts. Is it all the hormones in cow's milk, or what?

I also bought a round of drinks (2 Crowns and 2 'Slippery Nipples') for $35.

In 1984, I bought pitchers of Busch beer for $2.25 on Thursday nights at The Regulator in Macomb, IL. Fucking PITCHERS!! Of course it was awful, but it was $2.25!! Hell, I'd been drinking Rheinlander for the first 9 weeks of the term, and Busch was like champagne!

I am looking forward to buying a bottle of Crown Royal, a bottle of Bailey's, and a bottle of Butterscotch Schnapps so Tom, Wendy, Jill and I can drink all we can stand for $35.00

Courage, love and faith

From the Associated Press:

Two of the survivors of the shooting told their parents that 13-year-old Marian Fisher, one of the slain girls, asked to be shot first, apparently hoping the younger girls would be let go, according to Leroy Zook, an Amish dairy farmer.

"Shoot me and leave the other ones loose," Marian has been quoted as saying, Zook said. His daughter, Emma Mae Zook, was the teacher who ran from the schoolhouse to a farm to summon police.

Real Courage, Real Forgiveness

Pay attention to what's happening in Pennsylvania.

The Amish families of the children who were murdered this week have been receiving donations and pledges.

They have asked that the wife and children of the murderer receive donations as well.

As news stories emerge about what happened that day, we will learn about true courage and true faith.

We can learn from these peaceful people if we would only pay attention.

Speaker Handwringing

It's a month to election day.

Prior to redistricting, we lived in Denny Hastert's district. He helped our town get significant federal funds for our wastewater treatment expansion. He's supposed to do that.

I'm Republican by default, however, I'll always vote for the best candidate regardless of party. Denny hasn't helped his image in the last 9 months, but I would recommend voting for him.

He did the right thing today (sorta), by 'taking responsibility' in the Foley Fuck-up. (Yes, I'm coining that phrase). He should stop spouting conspiracy theories, however. Foley is not a good man, period, paragraph, end of story. He got himself into this trouble, and whoever 'leaked' or ratted him out is of secondary importance.

The entire 'taking responsibility' thing is a joke. What I'd like to see is fewer assholes getting elected to congress.

Which is why I'm not running.

If the people in his district don't want him to be Speaker of the House, vote for the other guy.

Is it me?

Sure, I've been in a bit of a funk for the last 2 months, but I've come to the conclusion over the last 10 days that we all live at the whim of the sick assholes who take things so personally, so seriously, that they feel the need to hurt and destroy the innocent people around them.

This is a terrible world-view to have (mine, I mean).

So if you are one of those sick, twisted, completely fucked-up people out there, would you do me a favor and kill yourself first before you walk into a school or plant a roadside bomb?

I'd normally reach out and try to help you, but I have a million other things going on right now.

Do I need to send my daughter to school with a gun just to protect herself from some crazy-ass moron who got mocked by the cute cheerleaders because he was a loser? What's the sense of that? She's only 10, and I doubt she'd be able to get a shot off in time.

It's Y'all, You All

During the 2nd quarter of MNF, the cameras panned the sidelines showing many of the signs and banners expressing New Orleans fans’ gratitude for the re-opening of the Super Dome. The NFL provided much of the $185 million to renovate and repair the facility.

One sign demonstrated the need for schools to re-open as well:

Thanks to the NFL
Thanks to ESPN
Thanks Ya’ll

Any good redneck knows that it’s spelled y’all, not ya’ll.

Some advice for the Pope

You can't open a dialogue with a group that isn't interested in the concept of dialogue.

I'm the first guy to take a shot at those of my faith that expound extremism; you don't have to look to far in my archives to see that.

This is a serious question posed to all my Islamic pals: Why is it that you take such offense at the extreme words of others, yet won't denounce the extreme actions of those who supposedly practice your peace-loving faith?

Swords and bombs can hurt my bones, but words can never hurt me.

Before you swear to kill all Christians, just remember, there are more of us than you, and our traditional practice of picking and choosing our beliefs allow us to ignore "Thou shall not kill" long enough to take care of business.

We're trying hard not to 'judge' your religious beliefs. However, if you get any more annoying, you will feel the wrath of our Old Testament roots. We'll feel bad about it later.

I'm not a Fetish Guy, but

I'm one of those sappy guys who thinks a prenatal glow is attractive on a woman. I'm not bothered by the extra pounds or the swollen abdomen.



Don't send me links to those websites, either.

Note to K-Fed

Hey, dude, how about wearing a condom? How many kids do you need, anyway?

And Brit....you swallow the birth control pills, you don't insert them.

September 11, 2006

I imagine that many here in the blogosphere are sitting down today, trying to compose some sort of meaningful message looking back on how our world has changed in the last 5 years.

I don't think you'll find that here.

I'm the guy who remarked as the second tower crumbled to the ground, "Looks like the John Hancock building just moved up two spots in the 'Worlds Tallest Building' category."

What else could be said?

Hindsight is 20/20.

At that moment, we had no idea who was behind the attacks and we had no idea when planes would stop crashing. My home is 30 miles due east of a large nuclear plant. I was trying to coordinate an "escape plan" with my wife just in case we had to snatch my daughter out of school and head north (or south) to a safer place. I was trying to track down a good friend of mine who worked near the WTC; and the husband of another good friend was stuck in the Pentagon and I was trying to hold her hand long distance as she waited for terrible news (Thankfully, everyone was safe).

I cope by being a smart-ass. That's why you are here.

I'm also known for being an optimistic realist.

I marvel at how the buildings were evacuated so that only a fraction of the intended victims were killed that day. Over 300 NY Firefighters died during the evacuation. Many others are now facing a terrible pulmonary illnesses as the price for their heroism.

I think of the passengers of United 93.

Our country has become very divided in the last 3 years, and this is sad. When you think about what it means to be an American, we should remember United 93. That is what being an American is all about. That is the spirit that our enemies hate in us.

I think it is right that we are divided. That sounds odd, yet it is uniquely American that we are able to argue both sides of an issue. We all want the same thing: Peace. The question we face is how do we want to achieve it and what is the price we are willing to pay.

The people on United 93 knew what it was going to cost. A split-second decision was required, and there was no looking back.

Our initial response to 9-11 was good. But then, politics got in the way.

Lets remember the passengers on United 93. Lets remember the courage and sense of duty of the FDNY. Their valor doesn't mean we need to stay in Iraq. It just means we need to focus on what exactly it is we want, and then move forward. Changing goals and objectives just gets in the way.

Maybe it's time to isolate. Maybe it's time to let someone else shoulder the load. We know that we are a powerful nation. There's no need to to prove it to anyone else. We know it.

Blah blah blah.

Snakes on a Plane, Trains and Automobiles

I had an 8 a.m. jobsite meeting at St Bernard Hospital on the southside today. With road construction, there is no feasible way to go from my home to this location in a manner to arrive at 8:00. If I left at 5:00, I would arrive by 7:00. If I left at 6:00. I'd get there around 9:30.

So I did the 'smart' thing...I took the CTA from Cumberland (2 stops from O'Hare), transferred downtown and got off at 63rd Street, and made it to the hospital by 8:10. St Bernard is located at 64th and Yale, and serves the Englewood Neighborhood. Although I was woefully out of place in this area (based on my skin color), I was comfortable and confident. I get along with everyone.

The meeting went well, and I got on a northbound L train around 9:00. I sat in front of a man and woman who were discussing various things. The man saw the movie "Snakes on a Plane" yesterday.

Woman: How was that movie?

Man: It was (cool).

Woman: What about all those snakes?

Man: I had no idea there would be so many snakes. I knew the movie was called "Snakes on a Plane", but I didn't know there were going to be lots of snakes on that airplane. It was (very) cool.

I have no desire to see "Snakes on a Plane". I don't think 2 hours of watching snakes scare the shit out of people is entertaining. I know that a lot of people have seen it, and they agree that it is (very) cool.

But how can you live in America and not know what this movie was about? It's called "Snakes on a Plane" for gosh sakes!

How is it that I'm plugged into Pop Culture more than that guy? I mean, he was (very) cool!

Who'll Stop the Rain?

Is it over yet? Katrina?

As if the original storm and subsequent levee break weren't enough, local Chicago media (TV, Radio and Newspapers) pushed their "One Year Anniversary of Hurricane Katrina" coverage over the edge.

Lots of self-back-patting "Here's how the City of Big Shoulders came to the rescue of the victims of that terrible storm". Lots of finger-pointing.

Yet even after a year, no one has the cajones to say that Ray Nagin is a complete ass.

Which he is.

You Didn't See This Coming?

The John Mark Karr story was fishy from the start.

Let's see....You've been arrested in Thailand (where the prisons are not very charming) and you need a foolproof escape plan.

You are a complete pervert kook obsessed with the Ramsey and Klaas cases.

You need to get the hell out of Dodge, so you admit to the Ramsey killing, even though you were never in Colorado during any Xmas in the '90's.

Voila! Lots of face time on international media, business class trip to LA, then on to Boulder, where you know that you won't be charged because you didn't do the crime!

What we need here is a little "Jailhouse Justice*", if you know what I mean.

Next prediction, Karr contests extradition to California to face his child porn charges.

* I'm pitching "Jailhouse Justice" as a Reality TV Show for the new CW Network.

Freedom's just another word

I've listened to a lot of songs in my life, and I take my lyrics very seriously.

The single greatest line written in the last 75 years is from Kris Kristofferson:

"But I'd trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday"

When delivered by a tortured Janis Joplin, it always brings a tear to my eye.

Yes, a New Post!

To the folks who make up the 30-34 hits to this blog every week, sorry that I’ve been lazy.

Well, not actually lazy.

My Father spent 4 days in the hospital*, lost his gas/electric due to non-payment of the bills**, and I frankly had to threaten him with something worse than bodily harm if he didn’t return to Illinois with me. The days of dignity and empowerment are over. There were a lot of tears shed, but strangely, none of them were mine. He has squandered every chance we gave him, and squandered all the money that was being sent to him*** to prop him up. That is water under the bridge. Today is a new day.

So he’s here, and Stage One of the Three Stage Program to save his life has been completed.

It took six months to reach Stage One, but here we are. I slept very soundly last night knowing I would never have to drop everything and drive to Indiana EVER AGAIN. I’ll go back one more time to pack up his home, but that will be on my schedule.

Stages Two and Three will be complete in 60 days. We’re on the clock, and it will be fun. If the house doesn’t sell by then, the bank can have it. And all the credit card companies can go to hell.

When it comes to crisis management, I’d like to think that I’m somewhat better than FEMA.

Because he hasn’t taken any of his medicine(s), he suffered adrenal shock, his heart is messed up and he also suffered a minor stroke because he wouldn’t get out of bed for 2 weeks.****

**Yet, miraculously, he thought he had enough money to re-subscribe to Direct TV.

*** It appears that he was supporting my brother’s gambling addiction in hopes of parlaying a big win into big cash to pay all his bills.

****During this 2 week stretch, my brother couldn’t make the effort to help him in anyway, and it was only when my Dad seem to go into a coma, “Fredo” decided that they should go to the ER.