Back in my day...

I was working with my son, a new Cub Scout, on his Bobcat badge tonight. He has learned the proper salute, handshake, creed, motto, etc, just like I had to when I was in Cub Scouts over 35 years ago.

One thing we need to do now to earn the badge, that I didn't back then, is go over the rules and policies concerning child abuse. Specifically, about adult and peer sexual abuse. While I'm certainly mature enough to have this conversation, and I believe my son is almost as mature as I am, I felt bad that we had to talk about some of the things that bad people are capable of.

He understands that if he is ever threatened or abused, he needs to tell me about it. I assured him that although I may get upset, I would never blame him or be mad at him if he were taken advantage of. I told him that it is a parent's job to get upset whenever something bad happens to their child, and no matter what happens, I need to be told about it.

I explained that I might want to hurt whoever harms him, but I'm sure that Mom would calm me down, and I would let the police handle it. What he doesn't know is that I've already been told by the local Chief of Police that my chance of arrest would be small if I were to crush the knees of a sexual predator with a baseball bat.

One of the charms of living in a small town, I guess.

Heady times, these

So much to comment on, so little time.

Barry Bonds: can't wait for the trial. Remember, Jason Giambi admitted ingesting a whole host of things during the same grand jury. He didn't lie. This isn't a witch hunt for steroid users, and it's not about race. It's about lying to a grand jury.

Catholic Bishops Conference: Let me get this straight...if I vote for a candidate who doesn't have a strong anti-abortion position, I'm going to hell? You know, this isn't my fight. I've never knocked up a girlfriend and had to consider an abortion. I don't abuse my daughter, and I don't rape. I don't advocate abortion, and I'm hoping that my daughter never has to consider having one. I really think I've got a personal handle on abortion. But, guys, I've got a hundred other concerns right now that I need the next President to work on, and abortion is really low on that list.

To me, the abortion issue is a local one: I can't stop other people from having abortions, I'm 1) not personally putting anyone in a position to have one, and 2) trying to educate my kids so they are not a party to one. There may be an acceptable reason for getting an abortion, and as long as it isn't a frivolous convenience, I'm not sticking my nose in it. If everyone, man and woman, respected themselves and each other, this isn't a big issue.

OJ Simpson: Do I really care?

Drew Peterson: Come on, man, 'fess up already! Why are scumbags like him such chick-magnets?

Green Day

My good friends over at Univeral/NBC are jumping on the Green Bandwagon, which means that for awhile (until folks stop tuning in) they will provide programming on their three-hundred and fifty networks that tell us about how environmentally friendly they are, and how we are complete scum because we watch other channels.

Last night's kick off (no pun intended) was during Sunday Night Football, and the big gimmick was shutting off the studio lighting for the half-time show. Yawn.

Their half-time shown generally consists of scores, highlights, and Keith Olberman's clever essay. I'm not being snarky; I like Keith. He's down the hall politically from me, but I know entertainment when I see it, and he's smart and funny. He's not Owen Wilson, but his hair is better. I'm also a kindred spirit in that no matter how great the job I have, I want it to be better and on my terms.

Anyway, I'm sure turning off the studio lights and asking the nation to join them in conserving electricity will make the suits at NBC happy. Until folks stop tuning in because they are just tired of the message. Yes, we know we need to conserve, but as long as the power flows when I flip the switch, I'm going to suck electricity from the grid.

Anarchy begins 30 seconds after the switch doesn't work anymore.

In Praise of Owen Wilson

I watched The Wedding Crashers last night. This pretty much explains the timing of my life. I'm 2 1/2 years behind the times. And that's optimistic.

My first memorable exposure to Owen was in Shanghai Noon with Jackie Chan. Since then he's been in tons of movies, and I really liked him as the voice of Lightning McQueen in Cars. Of course Bonnie Hunt was better, but she's the world's most perfect women (sorry, Jill). He's funny, smart and easy on my wife's eyes.

I don't read the tabloids much, it's really not any of my business what celebrities do in their spare time. I guess he's hit a rocky patch, but I'm sure he'll recover and get it together.

As much as I like Owen, I hated his hair in The Wedding Crashers. The mess, the bangs, the poochie thing on the top of his head...it just bugged me. It seemed to have so much product in it, I thought it was a hairpiece. Thankfully, the sloop scene proved it was all his own hair.

I'm not trying to be a hater, I'd would just like to issue a challenge to the great hair and make-up folks in Hollywood: Make his hair look better next time.

Now, don't let me get started on Vince Vaughn. I still annoyed that Jennifer Aniston let him get within five feet of her.

Yes, it's the 21st Century

My family gave me an iPod Shuffle for my birthday, and I spent several hours trying to open the box.

No, really, my daughter opened the box for me...I spent several hours realizing that I don't own many CD's made after the year 2000.

I know that the Shuffle is at the low end of the Apple speed spectrum, but I love this thing. It weighs a couple of ounces, is smaller than a matchbook, and holds more music than I could listen to in a year.


I know, I know, I'm an old fart, and all the kids have been using iPods for years. I've always enjoyed portable music, and with no moving parts or heaving equipment, the Shuffle is simply perfect. I wish I could glue the earbuds on. Now I can walk the treadmill and ride the exercize bikes and lift the weights with my own little soundtrack running through my skull.

Wait, let me go get it and put it on.

You know, when Trisha Yearwood wails at the end of Garth Brooks cover of Billy Joel's Shameless (how's that for confusing references?) it's like an angel screaming at me. I love it.

And when you shuffle, you never know what's going to play next, but you know you are going to like it. Yes, you already know this.

Hard Hog Hockey

Tonight is the home opener for the Rockford IceHogs. It is also Boy Scout night, so my son and I are going with his pack. His pack has been chosen to present the colors before the game, so he will get to walk out onto the ice. He's very excited about it.

The IceHogs won the UHL Colonial Cup last year, and this year they have jumped up to the AHL and are affiliated with the Chicago Blackhawks.

In the 'old days', I was a big fan of the Fort Wayne Komets, back when the IHL was primarily a Midwestern league (I think it has returned as a Midwestern league since it was crushed by over-expansion several years ago). Some of my best memories as a child were of somehow convincing a parent to drop us off at Memorial Coliseum for a Saturday afternoon game (I think the tickets were $2.50-$4.50) and watching the great Terry Pembroke (good ol' number 5) play defense. The Flint Generals, Muskegan Mohawks (now called the Fury), Port Huron Wings, Saginaw Gears, Toledo Hornets, Dayton Gems; all great team names.

Speaking of great names, the Icehogs used to have Robin Bigsnake, who is now with the Texas Brahmas of the CHL. I think Robin spends too much time fighting to make to the NHL, but he's a old school kind of player.

The Icehogs will host the San Antonio Rampage tonight, and we're hoping for a fun-filled, if not peaceful, evening of hockey.

If Ever I Would Leave You....

Robert Goulet was a familiar presence in my childhood. Whether on Laugh-In, or The Carol Burnett Show, or any of the many variety shows that were televised during the 60's and 70's, you could count on seeing Bobby G with or without his lovely then-wife, Carol Lawerence.

Handsome, talented, suave. He could do comedy or drama.

He was one of my mom's favorite entertainers, which makes it almost fitting that he left us yesterday, on what would have been her 69th birthday. Perhaps he didn't age as graciously as we'd hoped, the hair-coloring revealing a sense of vanity that he surely did not need, but based on his appearance in a Super Bowl commercial recently, I'd say he didn't take himself too seriously.

Look at the size of Carol Lawrence's feet, for gosh sakes.

Soccer Moms

My son play U8 Soccer in our local AYSO League. This year he has made the leap from semi-interested bystander to Pele-like soccer stud. Well, okay, not quite Pele-like. But he has made a great improvement in his interest and activity level, and I'm glad to see he enjoys it more than in the past.

The league provides referees, usually kids 12 or 14 years old. These kids drive me nuts. They don't seem to know or enforce the rules of the game, they don't track the time very well, they'd rather twirl the whistle than blow it.

We bring our portable bag chairs to the games, and sit on the sidelines to cheer the kids on. Inevitably, there are a group of (lard-assed) moms who stand in front of us yakking away instead of watching the game. This morning was the last straw. One of the moms volunteered to be a sideline judge, and instead of following the play up and down the sideline, decided that she could just stand and midfield (in front of me) and wave the little flag from there.

I volunteered to do this in the past, but I find that I get so caught up in making sure I don't screw up the responsibility that I don't watch the game.

I'm thinking about coaching my son's team next year when he moves into U10. I admittedly don't have the patience for U8 and younger, but I think I'd enjoy coaching up a bunch of older kids.

Ides of October

No news is good news, in a way.

Fortunately for my family, work has been going gangbusters. This leaves less time for blogging and generally being annoying.

Normally not a death penalty advocate...

WANTED: DEAD



Chester "The Molester" Arthur Stiles

If you see this 'man' walking down a sidewalk, please hit him with your car.

If you see him in a dark alley, hit him in the head with a pipe.

If you see him near a golf course, I'd suggest a 9 iron.

If you see him near a shooting gallery, you know where to aim.

Was he named after former US President Chester Arthur?

My Gal Sal

It was probably her roles in those Burt Reynolds movies in the late '70's and early '80's that made me fall in love with Sally Field.

On Sunday, Sally won the Emmy for Lead Actress in a Drama for her role in "Brothers and Sisters". My wife TIVO's the show, and I'll occassionaly watch it with her. It's a good show, and I like Sally's role in it.

She is a marvelous actress.

The first part of her acceptance speech was very good, and I think everyone would agree with her sentiment. Then she sort of went off the rails, and after fumbling very uncomfortably, made a statement that if mothers ruled the world, there would be no wars. She used some language to emphasize her point, which was bleeped out by the network broadcasting the show.

I don't think she was 'censored'. Her point was made. FOX did not cut or excise the statement, they just bleeped out some words that may have (or have not) offended some people.

The person doing the bleeping had less than 7 sevens to make a decision. In light of FCC rulings in the aftermath of the Janet Jackson Superbowl debacle, it seems that networks tend to error on the side of caution in these things.

I think Sally Field is a marvelous actress. She is darn pretty, and I like to be entertained by her. I have never looked to her as a source of my faith, news, or opinion; but she is certainly entitled to have her own point of view.

I think that her initial statement was enough. Subtle, poignant, and without need of embellishment or further explication. Her follow-up comments were hurried and not terribly thought-out, although they expressed the same point as her earlier statement.

And now, something topical...

My A-Hat of the week (or month, it seems) is Elvira Arellano. You know, I don't have a large dog in the immigration issue. However, Ms Arellano finally received her due last weekend when she was arrested and deported back to Mexico.

Here's a brief Flyover view of her story:

Arrived illegally. Deported. Returned. Got pregnant and bore a citizen. Used false Social Security information to get job at O'Hare. Get arrested in a postt 9/11 sweep of illegals. Convicted and sentenced to probation.

Side note #1: If you are an illegal alien and get convicted of a crime, why is probation even handed out? Probation just about implies that you need to stick around to meet with your probation officer regularly to show you aren't misbehaving.

Back to the overview:

Told to face immigration hearing. Hides out in storefront church, daring arrest by Immigration Authorities. Cites citizen child as reason for staying. Stays in church for one year. Boldly announces leaving safe haven to speak in Washington. Instead goes to LA and is arrested and deported. It rained a lot last night, and here we are today.

If she had not commited a crime (other than entering illegally) and could somehow show that she would be a productive resident, I don't think I would have had a problem with her sticking around to raise her citizen child. However, her repeated run-ins with authority (prior deportation, arrest, failure to comply, challenging authority, hiding out, etc) leads me to believe that she thought she was above the law. I don't even mind so much that she refused to learn English after 10 years here.

Side note #2: Are you kidding me? She was here 10 years and spoke through an interpreter? Maybe that's urban myth, but we in Flyover like to see an effort made.

The issue of anchor babies and breaking up families is serious. I'm not about to revise the Constitution over this. Parents are responsible to and for their children, and children belong with their parent(s). Citizenship is farther down the hierarchy of needs, if you ask me.

When this citizen child reaches 18, I'll welcome him back. In the meantime, go with mama.

Dog Days

Although work has been absolute hell, I've managed to take 4 1/2 vacation days this month to attempt a battery recharge.

"The Man' at work has cracked down on personal internet use. That's okay by me...it's not like I'm addicted or something. Well, maybe just a little bit. I didn't surf 'not safe for work' sites, but I did find myself reading all sorts of news items. I knew our company was tightening the noose when the Ohio Turnpike website was blocked. Hey, I was just trying to find out what the tolls were going to cost.

I'm writing this from my computer at city hall, where no one cares if I blog or not. And it is 'technically' my lunch hour, although I'm not much of a lunch eater.

Whenever I have a good post, it is usually the result of some sort of research that I conduct on the fly as I'm writing. My 'personal' posts are crap, which I'm sorry that I put you through.

You might be able to go home again

I last visited Houston in 2001 for my 20th class reunion just a week before 9/11. Prior to that, I last visited in 1984.

I learned to drive in boomtown Houston, lots of traffic, aggressive drivers, shotguns and open beer cans. Today, thanks to the construction of two large toll roads, it seems to be easier to get around. 610 loop is still there, but Beltway 8 has replaced it as the main suburban loop. FM 1960 can be up to 7 lanes wide, and the Velvet Ghetto I came from is more like a real ghetto now.

Suburban flight now goes up to The Woodlands, a mammoth planned development which was still just getting off the ground in 1977, when we first moved to the area. While mocked by the hipsters that live 'in town', I could see myself living in just this type of area. Lots of shopping, lots of things to do, a riverwalk, office buildings, hotels, and even an outdoor venue for concerts.

My friend, David, and I were invited to an informal get together on Saturday. Hosted by Linda (see First Kiss blog 2 1/2 years ago) and her husband, Joe, in attendance was Lori, the one that broke (crushed, removed, stomped, etc) my heart so very long ago. We're all still friends. I think being friends with Lori was pre-destined...escalating the relationship as we did in the early '80's was not meant to be.

Meeting up with Lori, even 25 years after the fact, can be somewhat anxiety producing. Perhaps she symbolizes what can happen when I make dumb mistakes. Perhaps she is the symbol of some ideal that I thought I was entitled to in my romantic youth. I'm not sure.

This time, however, the years have cleared my vision quite a bit. Lori is Lori. Petite, blond, perky. At 44 however, she's becoming her mom: prim, proper, and almost matricarchal. I think for the first time in the 30 years I've known her, I question what my attraction was. Well, I know what my attraction was, I guess now I feel a whole lot better about myself for the way things turned out. She's still petite, blond and perky. But I realize that she isn't some type of 'standard' that I should be measuring myself against.

I'm hopelessly in love with my wife. She is a better match for me than Lori ever could be. I think I spent a lot of time thinking that it was some deficiency on my part that never met Lori's expectations. I will never meet her expectations, but it's not because there is something deficient in me. It was just never meant to be.

Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie, etc

I'm flying to Houston later this week to see some baseball, visit College Station, and put my toes into the Gulf of Mexico.

Over the last 8 months, my brain has turned into complete mush - to the point where I can't write down a phone number unless it is repeated several times, I can't remember facts and figures that I depend on to do my job, and frankly, it is difficult for me to recall what month and day it is.

Either it's stress, or a tumor.

I'm hoping that a few days out of the rat race will somehow invigorate my desire to wake up in the morning.

While not a doctor, I am prescribing myself plenty of Tex-Mex, BBQ, and Shiner Bock.

If I can't get out of this funk after I get back, I'll go to a real doctor.

Cubs vs Astros, Wed night
Thursday, off day
Brewers vs Astros Fri night
Brewers vs Astros Sat night

With the Astrodome all but gone, I won't get the chance to have the "Coldest Foam in the Dome" as the beer vendors used to shout.

Lady Bird

Claudia Johnson passed away this week. Godspeed, nice lady.

Since the mid 80's, I've read many biographies about her husband. I'm not sure that you can say I'm an admirer of LBJ, but I am quite fascinated by him. He was sort of like Bill Clinton without the great looks. With all I've learned about him, I have grown to admire and respect his wife. I know at some point I always promised myself that when she finally shook the mortal coil, I would make a serious attempt to attend her memorial service, just because I respect her so much.

Of course, real life dictates that I do not attend her services. But I'll be there in spirit.

I heard a radio 'essayist' mention that back in 1966, when LBJ realized the war in Viet Nam was not winable, only 5% off all VN related casualties had been suffered (that is about 3,000). It is chilling to think that 50,000 US Troops died after 1966. (I have not confirmed the reliablility of the quoted casualty stats yet.)

As a war-mongering republican, I had always bristled at the comparisons betwen Viet Nam and Iraq. But now, when I have also come to believe that there is no good success strategy in place, I have to wonder if those comparisons have some merit.

Short of a mammoth surge (and a dedication to killing insurgents), how are we going to get out of this mess? The casualty counts aren't that high yet. But what is the additional investment of lives going to be?

I believe pulling out of Iraq in the near future will result in a apolcalytic slaughter similar to what we saw in Southeast Asia following 1975. But staying in Iraq without a more focused plan will lead to a slaughter of American soldiers.

If we are going to stay, we need to escalate the (killing-related) activity. A troop surge without aggressiveness is like a kiss without a squeeze. Changing hearts and minds, while an admirable idea, is not going to work on these people who hate for the sake of hating.

A quick note to Representative Keith Ellison of Minnesota: You are an idiot. It doesn't matter if you are a Christian, Jew or Muslim, or whether you are black, brown or white. You are still an idiot.

No Thanks, Madge

I don't know about you, but I'm no longer interested.

Sure am hot outside

I'm not sure why, but we are going camping this weekend. My parents in-law and my sister in-law own campers, we have a tent. Temps will be in the 90's.

I do my best not to complain about hot weather. I do my best to complain about winter. The main reason I don't complain about hot weather is I don't want to ruin my street cred 20 years from now when I want to retire and move to a hot weather state. The last think I need is for my wife to say "gee, you always hated the hot weather, why would you want to move to Texas to retire?"

Here's a photo that explains why the old adage "Knee high by the fourth of July" is a bit outdated:



photo 'courtesy' (meaning I'm stealing it) of the DeKalb Chronicle.

Thanks to the ethanol boom, every farmer is planting corn this year. Soybean prices will be up this year as a result.

My father escaped to Nebraska for his bi-annual high school class reunion. Two years ago, he missed his 50th due to his gall bladder emergency. I reluctantly gave him the money (it was his money) to go this year, telling him that his traveling days are over. His goal seems to be to spend every last dollar he has. My goal is to have enough to pay the deductible on his insurance when he wrecks the car.

Summer of the Pregnant Murder Victim

I am by no means minimizing the deaths of at least 3 women in the United States who have been murdered and in fact, were pregnant at the time.

Fox News recently did a story on pregnant women murder victims, complete with a graphic stating '20% of Pregnant Women are Murdered" (thanks to Chris over at Dangerous Logic for this info).

That fact makes me worried for all the Catholic Mothers out there with four kids. There going to be killed during the fifth pregnancy.

I'm guessing that Fox wants us to know that 20% of all female murder victims are pregnant at the time of their deaths. What percentage of women are pregnant at any given time? Probably a lot less than 20%...so those geniuses over at Fox News are on to something.

I don't think we need to convene a congressional hearing to agree that killing anyone, let alone pregnant women, is a heinous thing. Killing a woman who is pregnant with your child is awful. The problem lies with the men, of course.

The Scott Petersens and Billy Cutts of the world are subhuman. How is it that they get laid to start with?

And don't get me started on the AssHats who are able to kill their own children. Maybe it's the summer of Family Killing.

Summer Solstice

The fact that it is the longest day of the year doesn't mean that I have more time in my day to write blogstuff.

The mosquitoes waited until after Genoa Days to make their appearance. Oddly, I forgot all about mosquitoes....senility is creeping up on me.

Our nephew's graduation went well. The Dean of the college gave a nice speech exalting the benefits of a liberal arts education, which made me want to jab my wife in the ribs and say "see, I wasn't wasting my time, after all". The three reasons for the graduation ceremony, according to Dean Linzer, were to 1) recognize the acheivement of the students, 2) recognize the support of the families and 3) continue in the time honored tradition of wearing heavy gowns in un-airconditioned buildings. It was very, very warm in Welsh-Ryan Arena. You'd think for $40,000+ a year they could put some AC in the building!

2007 is flying by. It seems everytime I turn around, I'm changing pages on the calendar. The kids are growing up too fast. And I fear that I'm getting too old for workplace shit. I don't know if a winning lottery ticket is the answer or not. I should sit down with my wife and determine just how little I need to earn to be happy.